Dumb and dumber – the new face of the ADL

The always squabbling Facebook mini-faction street movement the Australian Defence League (ADL), oblivious to the fate of previous attempts to set up militant far right boys’ marching clubs, has had many attempts at establishing some sort of legitimacy for itself. One would think it would be an easy task for them given the (*ahem*) quality of leadership available to choose from, and there are certainly no lack of role models.

After all it is fairly simple to set up and run a group like the ADL

Mission statement

And Max Chambers seems to have nailed the mission and vision  there. Shoot and scoot. Sounds like the way they’d have sex, except they might have a little trouble with the ammo and being able to get the weapon up.

The Bogot Bludgers Guide to Loitering with Intent Street Protests

1) Get a few drunk or stoned mates, the rougher and less evolved the better
2) Hire a loud hailer and scream into it
3) Shout a lot
4) Pretend you are protecting “arr wimmin” and “arr way of life” against “sharon lore”
5) Get some grungy made-in-China caps and shirts from the $2 shop and print a logo on them
6) If you threaten/bribe the 5 year old, he/she will write some misspelt slogans on bits of old plasma telly boxes
7) Threaten/Bribe the missus to put on last month’s black bedsheet and pretend to be an “oppressed woman”. She won’t find it hard after living with you.
8) Have at least one certifiable nutjob amongst your number. And plenty of tatts.

Here is one contender for the position. In fact by the look of him Paul could probably head up every single ADL going simultaneously (last count there were at least six ADLs, all of whom seem to hate each other) without stirring from either his comfortable couch or missing a chow-down on his (non-halal) KFC.

"Paul Guru" - one of the faces (and just about everything else) of the ADL

The ADL must fancy itself in the same league as Qantas, BHP Billiton and Telstra because in a daring move it tried to outsource its leadership to an overseas contender. Or rather, its short-lived leader, illegal non-citizen Martin Brennan, decided he was to be the leader on the basis of… well we are not quite sure what.

But Mardi, with the disturbing look of a failed experiment in simian vivisection and all the charisma of a wet lettuce, had yet another strike against him. He had neglected to renew his visa, so much to his horror was packed off to Maribyrnong Detention Centre, where he was apparently assaulted and affronted by the ingestion of halal meat, despite cherishing fervent hopes for some other type of meat.

Martin Brennan, the ADL's last attempt at importing - epic fail

So again the ADL has been left leaderless, tossing about in the slimy ocean of far right delusions politics like the rotting carcass of a long-deceased sea mammal.

Enter a new contender. One could feel the upswelling of self-support on the part of one candidate in this ground-breaking conversation between a few bored old dozy tossers the elite of the organisation.

“IM (sic) COMING OVER  OZ SOON TO SORT THIS OUT”  proclaims British newcomer and devotee of colourful fetishes Lee Tams.

Lee Tams

Lee Tams

Offshoring the ADL (again)

As you can see, EDL stalwart Lee is not exactly your typical far right bovver boy street thug group leader.

Then again maybe he is.

However it seems the membership has someone else in mind, bedazzled as they are by Mr Tam’s chook wings as well as the dummy he is chomping on.

The new face of the ADL

Step up to the podium Sharls Ashton.

It seems the lovely Sharls has been anointed by at least two of the members (which given the ADL’s recent history, probably constitutes a quorum).

Now what does Sharls bring to the table? What leadership qualities does she display? What sort of gravitas does she display? How can she ensure that the ADL masses march onward to their inevitable cockup triumph?

Sharlene Ashton and the Collective Stupid

Sharls Ashton and “teh_pedos”

LOL!!

“No Sex Please We’re Bogots” – Special X rated edition

Bogots spend a lot of time thinking about sex. Probably not much time having it – after all come on now, have you seen them?

But they are very concerned about a range of sexual issues. The first issue which concerns them is homosexuality.

"Jack Stone" and Paul Toohey

Bogots are uncomfortable with homosexuality and often in denial about their own orientation. On the one hand, trawling for supporters for their hate pages as they do (because with them it’s all about size, not quality), they occasionally say things like “i dont care if two fags wanna get married i just hate burqas…” or words to that effect. On the other hand they are very quick to use words like “faggot” and “gay” to demonise their opponents, and when they are not drowning asylum seekers or chesting up for “white Straya” they can often be found frolicking in homophobic groups.

Andy & Donna

Secondly they are very interested in the sex life of Muslims. As far as we know, Muslims have sex just like everyone else on the planet, but not according to the bogotariat.

Ronald Monroe

Pedeophile? A new perversion there Ronnie.

Christopher O' Reilly

For a young bloke Chris certainly seems to know a lot more than he probably should about women’s bits. And “teh_FGM”

Female Genital Mutilation is a grave problem in certain parts of the world. It is certainly not confined to a small number of Muslims who practice it. But very very few Muslims in Australia would be victims.

Property tycoon “Ele Fre”gives us the lowdown on someone called “MOMO”. Scary stuff – “Ele”‘s theological knowledge that is.

Elessa

Fabric expert Ang Os draws attention to the “gay Muslins” – that’s nice Ang, now we know what fabric is  in for Spring – before going down the predictable scary paedophile path.

In what passes for conversation in one of their covens, several Islamophobes come to grips with their belief that “child marriages” (code for “paedophilia”, their favourite perversion) are rife in the Middle East. Now “Ray G” actually tries to insert some factual evidence into the discussion but is quickly sat upon by the others.

Bonnie Caverly

Bonnie Caverly 2

“Ray G” of course knows as we do that the notorious picture showing young men with small girls is in fact a Muslim wedding, but  the little girls are actually junior bridesmaids. But then again it is not as much fun and not so loin-stirring for the phobes if they are faced with the truth. So after being pointed in the right direction they just keep going on and on. Obsessed much?

Next, Mary Jane for instance wonders about “dirty Muslim men” bringing “child brides” into this country. Never mind that  no one in Australia is allowed to get married before the age of 18 – perhaps Mary lives in another country? In both the state of Georgia in the US and the Republic of Georgia in the Caucuses, both Christian majority jurisdictions, and in Scotland, part of the UK, you can be married long before 18. In  fact you are more likely to find a “child bride” in Bonny Scotland than you are in suburban Sydney.

Convert to Allan

We are rather interested too in this new deity called Allen. Does she mean Alan Jones perhaps? We can assure her unequivocally that Alan Jones is not interested in having a child bride.

Michelle Alexander

Well Michelle, all religions are inherently anti-woman. And we know plenty of non-Muslim men in Australia who are dickheads where women are concerned. Just look at the stats on domestic violence and sexual assault in this country. And sexual predators don’t care whether you are naked or covered from head to foot because sex offences are all about power not sexual attraction.

Now can anybody help Ellen with a copy of the “quarne” (sic). We can’t.

But Steve Clayton has assured her that Muslims are “shirt-lifters” as well as having a perverted fondness for animals. One can only assume that Steve has deep and intimate knowledge of these things. Must be tiring being polyperverse, eh Steve?

Ellen Forrester

Ryan is obviously a serious seeker after truth.

Ryan Leaf

However it is unlikely he will find out though because no sensible woman of any religious persuasion would go near him.

Samantha Mitchell

Samantha thinks that Muslim women are very tiny. We doubt if Muslim women are under anyone’s thumb – certainly no more so than Christian women.

And Marg has a very unhealthy interest in the clitorises of other women. We would advise women to stay away from Marg. We are also amazed that these kids have managed to get married in Australia at the age of 9 – oh that’s right, we are talking about Marg now and this is Straya.

Marg Lennon

“Hammer Field” is yet another self-appointed “sexpert”. Check out his picture below and you can see why he might lack practical knowledge.

Hammer Field

“Hammer Field” is very excited about “thighing”. So are a lot of the bogots, we’ve noticed.

Nicky Folkes

Failed serial political candidate Nick of course is bursting with tumescent insight. After damning Islam with the charge of chauvinism he then makes a totally chauvinistic observation about women.

Continuing with the burgeoning excitement, he then lovingly describes bending over for terrorists.

Now despite their intense, somewhat obsessive and downright pornographic  interest in what they imagine  the sex lives of Muslims is, bogots cannot help assuming the high moral ground (you know, the one they are never on themselves) when it comes to their opponents. Here’s homespun homophobe Toohey again on motherhood.

Paul Toohey

So what were you fed as a child Paul? Oh wait…don’t tell us!