The always squabbling Facebook mini-faction street movement the Australian Defence League (ADL), oblivious to the fate of previous attempts to set up militant far right boys’ marching clubs, has had many attempts at establishing some sort of legitimacy for itself. One would think it would be an easy task for them given the (*ahem*) quality of leadership available to choose from, and there are certainly no lack of role models.
After all it is fairly simple to set up and run a group like the ADL
And Max Chambers seems to have nailed the mission and vision there. Shoot and scoot. Sounds like the way they’d have sex, except they might have a little trouble with the ammo and being able to get the weapon up.
The Bogot Bludgers Guide to Loitering with Intent Street Protests
1) Get a few drunk or stoned mates, the rougher and less evolved the better
2) Hire a loud hailer and scream into it
3) Shout a lot
4) Pretend you are protecting “arr wimmin” and “arr way of life” against “sharon lore”
5) Get some grungy made-in-China caps and shirts from the $2 shop and print a logo on them
6) If you threaten/bribe the 5 year old, he/she will write some misspelt slogans on bits of old plasma telly boxes
7) Threaten/Bribe the missus to put on last month’s black bedsheet and pretend to be an “oppressed woman”. She won’t find it hard after living with you.
8) Have at least one certifiable nutjob amongst your number. And plenty of tatts.
Here is one contender for the position. In fact by the look of him Paul could probably head up every single ADL going simultaneously (last count there were at least six ADLs, all of whom seem to hate each other) without stirring from either his comfortable couch or missing a chow-down on his (non-halal) KFC.
The ADL must fancy itself in the same league as Qantas, BHP Billiton and Telstra because in a daring move it tried to outsource its leadership to an overseas contender. Or rather, its short-lived leader, illegal non-citizen Martin Brennan, decided he was to be the leader on the basis of… well we are not quite sure what.
But Mardi, with the disturbing look of a failed experiment in simian vivisection and all the charisma of a wet lettuce, had yet another strike against him. He had neglected to renew his visa, so much to his horror was packed off to Maribyrnong Detention Centre, where he was apparently assaulted and affronted by the ingestion of halal meat, despite cherishing fervent hopes for some other type of meat.
So again the ADL has been left leaderless, tossing about in the slimy ocean of far right delusions politics like the rotting carcass of a long-deceased sea mammal.
Enter a new contender. One could feel the upswelling of self-support on the part of one candidate in this ground-breaking conversation between a few bored old dozy tossers the elite of the organisation.
“IM (sic) COMING OVER OZ SOON TO SORT THIS OUT” proclaims British newcomer and devotee of colourful fetishes Lee Tams.
As you can see, EDL stalwart Lee is not exactly your typical far right bovver boy street thug group leader.
Then again maybe he is.
However it seems the membership has someone else in mind, bedazzled as they are by Mr Tam’s chook wings as well as the dummy he is chomping on.
Step up to the podium Sharls Ashton.
It seems the lovely Sharls has been anointed by at least two of the members (which given the ADL’s recent history, probably constitutes a quorum).
Now what does Sharls bring to the table? What leadership qualities does she display? What sort of gravitas does she display? How can she ensure that the ADL masses march onward to their inevitable cockup triumph?
Sharlene Ashton and the Collective Stupid