Peter Fraser and Gordon Stevenson decided to get married. They were married at the British Consulate in Sydney.
And a comment in The Guardian from a TAB supporter said it all
If you’re upset by two men or women getting married, don’t go to a gay wedding. They probably won’t invite you anyway. If two men or women kissing,hugging,holding hands, etc etc, upsets you,don’t fucking look! Keep your head down and keep walking like the hate filled coward that you are
It’s been almost two weeks since Tony Abbott stood before the nation, the proud winner of So You Think You Can Prime Minister? Now that the votes have been counted, the confetti swept up and the virginal dresses of his support crew sent off to the dry cleaners, it’s time to get down to business.
Part of what endeared Abbott to the viewers was his fondness for three word slogans that appear easy to understand but on closer inspection actually reveal nothing. And so, Tones has pledged to ‘cut the fat’, which in Prime Ministerial speak means, ‘fire a crapload of people’. Don’t worry though, they’re only public servants and everyone knows they don’t deserve jobs.
Where else would a good Prime Ministerial victor start with simplifying things but with the Ministries, with their overblown titles and ‘goal setting’? Australians don’t want all those bloody words filling up their heads. We’re a simple folk. We like beer, football and boobs in that order and we don’t care to analyse it. Tones knows this, which is why we can now proudly face the world and show off the fact we no longer have a Minister for Science, but we’ve still got one for Sport. ‘Straya!
Personally, I don’t reckon Old Mate PM’s gone far enough on this though. Don’t get me wrong – I support cutting namby pamby portfolios about things like ‘climate change’ (more like cLIEmate change, am I right?) and ‘mental health’. In my day, people just got on with things. Sure, they may have been miserably depressed and consumed by the Darkness That Knows No Form, but they didn’t bloody well have to whinge about it all the time like a bloody whoopsie. Gay.
But I reckon there’s room to add a couple of things. You know, restore Australia to its former glory – to a time when white, heterosexual men of privilege didn’t have to be afraid to speak their minds, or apologise for giving the tea lady an affectionate swat on the bottom and telling her you like her muffins. By all means, trim the fat of wasteful rubbish like ‘saving the environment’ (you gotta build out to grow up, people!) but let’s consider honouring some of the following by giving them their own portfolios.
1. Ministry for Ironing and Cleaning
Those people who accuse Tones of not getting women need to do their bloody research, mate. Tony loves women, which is why he so famously expressed concern for how the carbon tax would drive up their electricity bills what with all that ironing we’re always doing. Oh, and you feminazis will shriek and squeal all you like, but we all know that you’re just bitter that you don’t have a man to iron shirts for. Because men and women are different, see? It doesn’t mean they’re not equal – but women are probably better suited to things like physiotherapy and housework, while men are suited to running things. That’s why the Minister for Ironing and Cleaning has to be a man – because they delegate. And they’re good with numbers, so they can help you add up all of the collars you still have left to do.
2. Ministry for Mateship
Nothing spells A-U-S-T-R-A-L-I-A better than M-A-T-E-S-H-I-P. We love our mates here, but not in that way. The Ministry for Mateship would celebrate all of the beautiful friendship that’s characterised by the good old Aussie larrikin spirit. Like masculinised mythology, and men’s only sporting leagues with their men’s only pay checks. The Ministry for Mateship recognises that part of what makes Australia great is how feverishly it embraces alcoholic male bonding. Let’s bring back foxy boxing and jelly wrestling, gentlemen’s only networking clubs and socially acceptable group sex in which there’s only one woman and no one talks to her! It’s mateship, mate. Because you can’t spell friendships without ‘pissed’.
3. Ministry for Marriage
Real marriage, I mean. Not that other ‘fashionable’ marriage. The gay kind where no one knows who’s the man or who’s the woman. How can you get married if you don’t know which one’s supposed to throw the bouquet? No, the Ministry for Marriage would make it easier [read: harder] to get out of love contracts once you’ve made the mistake of getting into them. God created marriage so that men could come home at the end of the day to a clean house and scotch, and a piping hot dinner on the table when he’s ready for it. He didn’t create marriage so that women could keep their own names and insist on working even though they’ve already achieved their life’s goal of procreating. All this freedom puts funny ideas into women’s heads, and as a delicate species they’re not properly equipped to handle the pressures of the world at large. It’s because they’re physiologically different, see. Anyway, the Ministry for Marriage would put a stop to all that rubbish. Headed up by Barnaby Joyce (who knows that marriage offers the best protection to women, against what I’m not particularly sure but that’s Barns for you), the Ministry for Marriage is the first step to fixing Australia and sending it back to the good old days of 1956.
Which is a handy coincidence, given that the newly appointed Minister for Sport is back there too, busily preparing for the upcoming Melbourne Olympics.
Good thing Abbott’s building all those roads. Cars! It’s the future!
Most Aussies were able to enjoy the recent London Olympics either in person or via an extensive television and Internet coverage. Over a hundred athletes went to London and competed in a wide range of events.
About 30 of them won medals; the rest turned in what were often personal bests. Now the Paralympics are showcasing the great performances of our athletes with disabilities.
Sadly, the bogots missed out on selection for London since they have little or nothing to offer an elite sporting team. Or a nation for that matter.
So we thought we might feature a sample of their memorable signature performances in their very own competition.
TEH 2012 STRAYAN LIMPDICKS™
As we can readily see, TAB and Facebook favourite Scott Pengelly loves rapid cycling. So much so he features in not one but at least two track events along with some road racism racing. We look forward to seeing Scott pedalling away, packing down with the lads in the peloton, attired in his tight Lycra while declaring his 90 degree straight masculinity.
1. Teen Pursuit
2. The (H)om(o)nium
Over to the water now where several seasoned performers and their cheer squad express their hopes for the day’s performances. Josh wants to express his fine notions of sportsmanship though Mitch has some fears that they might be dragged down.
However confirming some media speculation, Atlanta does not seem as focused as perhaps she should be on the coming event but seems more obsessed with the Festive Season.
3. 10km Marathon Asylum Seeker Drowning Attempt
4. Mixed Double Trap
A very special welcome to “John Harris” . Having featured prominently in marathons around Queensland and with memories of the torturous kilometres north of Brisbane, “John” recently fronted a packed media conference to announce its intention to compete in shooting off its mouth events.
Witness “John’s” performance in its qualifying round against a female opponent. Note its clever attempts to size up her position before he takes aim. Watch its close attention to the target. An obsessive performer indeed.
However we have no idea which event it was that “John” was attempting to qualify for. And its constant reiteration of its nickname “Gimpy” did not help – an obvious reference to its chosen shooting outfit.
5. Bogot Bitch Volleyball
Grubby sheet afficiandos B & B have fronted up again this year to contest this event. Don’t be fooled folks by the bikini-clad women in the picture, they are just smoke and mirrors designed to distract B&B’s opponents.
Rool bogot bitch volleyball players dress like this.
Third team member Michelle is known to us from her previous efforts in intimate equine encounters. She has now left the horses alone to try her luck on the sand.
As you can no doubt tell from our featured competitors, banned substances are a big problem amongst the bogots. However, efforts are in hand to eliminate dopes in sport.
Now to wrap up
Dope Testing at the Limpdicks ™
And sports medicine expert Anne not only is conscious of the epidemiological implications of having a bunch of ripe, diseased and sweaty bogots in one place, she is also mindful of the prohibitive costs facing bogot teams.
A shame she has it all completely wrong, but that’s bogots for you…
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Last Monday, my brother Andrew Bolt published a column presenting his views in opposition to same-sex marriage. I belatedly attempted to post a contribution to the lively blog debate. When it wasn’t published, I knew I didn’t want to leave it there — being a lesbian in a committed relationship I want to participate in the conversation happening across the country, tell my story and, in doing so, hopefully make even the smallest difference to the long-running campaign for marriage equality.
As my family will recall, I came out when I was 21 years old. Like many in the GLBTI community, I was awash with the relief and joy of recognising and expressing such a fundamental part of who I was. Again, like many, I experienced much uncertainty about my value to the community and the fear of rejection.
For the most part though, I feel fortunate to have received respect and love from people important to me as I made those first tentative steps out of the closet. That, of course, is not everyone’s experience. Rejection by parents, siblings and peer groups is not altogether uncommon and low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, substance abuse, and suicide can be the terrible result.
Even with my good fortune, I have felt the effects of ignorance, fear and hate by others: fearing for my life, I was chased down city streets one night by a group of drunk teenagers for holding hands with my girlfriend; I have been verbally abused and taunted about my sexuality when playing sport; and I have felt on social and work occasions the discomfort or disapproval of others upon hearing the word “girlfriend” or “she” in relation to my partner.
Some gays and lesbians view their relationships as equal to those of straight people. But I know of others who would admit to feeling “lesser” or, even if they don’t, are fed up with receiving negative physical, verbal or other signals from the world around them.
Offering civil unions seems a reasonable compromise from the position of any straight person who has not ever had to question for a single moment others’ acceptance of their relationship or their right to choose to marry the person they love. Offering civil unions sends a signal that, to me, says I am lesser.
I’m then told that civil unions are in a legal sense similar to marriage and, therefore, why should it not be embraced by same-sex couples? If it’s such a palatable alternative it’s then fair to ask why it’s not embraced by many more heterosexual couples?
To point out the blindingly obvious, many of us regardless of sexuality want to get married; we want the ceremony that is such a significant marker in life’s journey. There may be little that legally separates the two, but socially and culturally there’s a chasm.
Marriage is touted as one of our most enduring traditions. Traditions are organic; their foundations are laid in the past but they grow and evolve over time. Granting me and my partner the right to marry — to have our loving and committed relationship recognised in law and by the community — doesn’t erode that tradition; it builds upon it.
My partner and I celebrate two anniversaries. We first held a “commitment ceremony” at home witnessed by many of our family and friends on a stormy Adelaide spring day. It was the day I told the world I would love my partner forever. It was the best day of my life.
However, it wasn’t until we married in the simplest of ceremonies one month later in Canada that I sensed a legitimacy and belonging I wasn’t expecting to feel. I think that’s because I have built a layer of protection against judgement and negativity for many years around my sexuality, my relationship and, now, my young son.
It may seem naive, but having that certificate in my hand made me untouchable, secure, normal, and for those wonderful few weeks, I could drop the shield. It’s disappointing beyond measure that my brother and others who share his views don’t wish that for me and everyone else like me.
I want marriage equality. At the very least, I wish for a rational and respectful debate.
I trust that more thoughtful consideration of this issue will prevail and, whether under this government or another in the future, my wife and I will finally see our relationship legitimised.
Our parents, our brothers and sisters, our aunts and uncles, our cousins, our friends, our children, our grandchildren