Meet Col Hinton, food critic, wannabe entertainer and social commentator. Not satisfied with mumbling, moaning and muttering in a huddle with his Facebook mates, Col chests up to the big boys themselves – in this case the KFC Facebook page and its unfortunate unnamed admin.
Col is very angry and like angry bogots everywhere likes to find scapegoats. In Col’s world teachers are not allowed to strike for better pay and conditions (presumably unlike the bogots themselves), and he has a possible solution which he decided to share with the Ten News Facebook page.
We know Col has a balanced diet – his favourite food group features on his Facebook profile pic. In fact it could go a long way to explaining his anger. But Col also likes chicken as long as it is not halal.
We don’t know about banning halal blankets, but Col also likes to hang out with hags wearing dirty bedsheets.
As we will see, Col has diverse xenophobic interests, as shown by his decision to tell Network Ten what they should do about representation of minorities in local productions.
Col’s not shy about posting his pic online so we thought we’d give talent scouts a chance to see whether they wanted to sign him up for their next series of Australia’s Got Bigots.
Oh and if you want to book Col for your next Klan rally teacher’s strike party he’s available. He lives around Coutts Crossing, and presumably plays the banjo as well.
So, people are getting their knickers in a twist about the
“no bacon at KFC” video and news stories that have popped up,
screaming OMG SHARIA LAWWWWWW!!!! and various other forms of
butthurt. When you talk about “sharia law”, I assume you’re
referring to theocracy, or clerical fascism; the imposition of
religious law on a nation, and the enforcement of it by the state
apparatus (cops & courts), and/or violence (eg Dubai, Oman
IIRC, the bits of Afghanistan & Pakistan that are or were
under Taliban rule, Iran partly, and Saudi Arabia, though that one
seems more like plain oldskool absolute monarchy with religious
trimmings). That’s bad and wrong and stupid and dangerous and
broken no matter which religion, and hasn’t only happened with
Islam. It’s a political issue, not a religious issue; it’s the
religious nutters who try to make it so. Separation of church and
state FTMFW. People observing sharia or halal in their private
lives – or private contracts, which is what a restaurant in a free
market is – is not the same thing at all. No more than a kosher
deli makes us Israel, or a German restaurant serving knockwürst and
sauerkraut makes us all Nazis. No-one is imposing their rules on
you, or the nation; they’re making a service available to people
who want it, just like a vegetarian restaurant, or a biblical
bookshop. It would be theofascism to impose it on everyone OR to
ban it. Please try not to confuse the two; that’s the kind of
muddle-headed, kneejerk xenophobia that makes protesting about REAL
human rights issues impossible. Secondly, the chance of actual
theocracy / clerical fascism happening in Australia is precisely
zero. Anyone telling you otherwise has their head up their ass, or
is trying to sell something – usually you, to their advertisers.
They’re slightly more than zero in the US, but the danger there is
not from the muzzies. Third, it’s apparent that your newfound
concern for “human rights” is a flimsy veil for hating on the scary
brown people. “Their country”? One, what in that story makes you
think anyone involved isn’t Australian? You know there have been
Muslims in Australia in some numbers since the 1860s at the very
least, right? – yeah, longer than there ~was~ a country called
Australia. Probably on the First Fleet, which had Chinese, Africans
and Jews that I know of; sorry, CBF looking up the records to check
for muzzahs. Two, you know that Islam isn’t a country, right? Or a
group of countries, or an ethnicity. There are European white
Muslims since at least the middle ages, as well as Chinese, Indian,
Indonesian, Malay, Finnish, freakin Eskimos for all I know. Where
was all the OMG human rights while PEOPLE were drowning on our
doorstep? Where were you while we were illegally holding PEOPLE in
conditions that amount to torture? Where were you, come to that,
when people were ACTUALLY being murdered for their beliefs, or
their sexuality, or their gender, or for speaking up, in ACTUAL
theofascist Islamic regimes? Yeah, not so much. But ONOZ DEY BE
TAKIN MA BACON?!!??! Education? Lack of imagination? Information?
You guys can fucking talk. Stop sucking Today Tonight Murdoch cock
and go reed moar, lissen moar, grow the fuck up moar. Your
kneejerk, unthinking blind prejudice is NOT. HELPING. Hint: search
and replace “halal” for “kosher” in that story and read it again.
Try “vegetarian” if you’d rather. Bear in mind that the word
“halal”/”kosher”/”vegetarian” is prominently advertised, as it’s a
*marketing*plus*, not a secret fucking conspiracy. It’s all over
the goddamn place before you walk in. It’s on the front. door. ffs.
And there’s another KFC down the road. Take note: “the employee may
have been harassed by the customer before his meltdown / statements
from other customers who were in the store at the time / indicate a
customer had directed offensive language and became abusive towards
the team member when the customer’s preferred selection [bacon] was
not available at that [prominently labelled halal] store.” Now who
looks like the dickhead? Oh I forgot, you only need to read the
headline to get your “education”. The carefully selected headline,
followed by the carefully selected lead paragraphs, burying the
actual story at the end, as carefully managed by Channel 9 to
trollolol easily led morons for their advertisers. As fucking
usual. Reed moar harderrderrp. Anyone who walks in
there, PAST all the signage, and demands a bacon sandwich, loudly
and repeatedly till the server loses his shit, AND FILMS IT, is a
fucking redneck entitled shithead trying to make a retarded redneck
point. But no, sympathise with the fuckwit redneck,
they’re the real victim here. Fail. Oh, I forgot, Muslims aren’t
people, so insulting them doesn’t count, so I guess I did start
that. My bad. Or wait, did baconboy start it? I’m so confused.
tl:dr: stop pretending you’re on our side; your real motivations
are transparent and a fucking disgrace.