The 2012 Olympics Limpdicks™

Most Aussies were able to enjoy the recent London Olympics either in person or via an extensive television and Internet coverage. Over a hundred athletes went to London and competed in a wide range of events.

About 30 of them won medals; the rest turned in what were often personal bests. Now the Paralympics are showcasing the great performances of our athletes with disabilities.

Sadly, the bogots missed out on selection for London since they have little or nothing to offer an elite sporting team. Or a nation for that matter.

So we thought we might feature a sample of their memorable signature performances in their very own competition.

TEH 2012 STRAYAN LIMPDICKS™

rings

As we can readily see, TAB and Facebook favourite Scott Pengelly loves rapid cycling. So much so he features in not one but at least two track events along with some road racism racing. We look forward to seeing Scott pedalling away, packing down with the lads in the peloton,  attired in his tight Lycra while declaring his 90 degree straight masculinity.

1. Teen Pursuit

2. The (H)om(o)nium

Over to the water now where several seasoned performers and their cheer squad express their hopes for the day’s performances. Josh wants to express his fine notions of sportsmanship though Mitch has some fears that they might be dragged down.

However confirming some media speculation, Atlanta does not seem as focused as perhaps she should be on the coming event but seems more obsessed with the  Festive Season.

3. 10km Marathon Asylum Seeker Drowning Attempt

4. Mixed Double Trap

A very special welcome to “John Harris” . Having featured prominently in marathons around Queensland and with memories of the torturous kilometres north of Brisbane, “John” recently fronted a packed media conference to announce its intention to compete in shooting off its mouth events.

Witness “John’s” performance in its qualifying round against a female opponent. Note its clever attempts to size up her position before he takes aim. Watch its close attention to the target. An obsessive performer indeed.

However we have no idea which event it was that “John” was attempting to qualify for. And its constant reiteration of its nickname “Gimpy” did not help – an obvious reference to its chosen shooting outfit.

Gimp

John “Gimpy” Harris in its favourite shooting gear

5. Bogot Bitch Volleyball

Grubby sheet afficiandos B & B have fronted up again this year to contest this event. Don’t be fooled folks by the bikini-clad women in the picture, they are just smoke and mirrors designed to distract B&B’s opponents.

Rool bogot bitch volleyball players dress like this.

Bitch volleyball players in their stalking walking out uniform

Third team member Michelle is known to us from her previous efforts in intimate equine encounters. She has now left the horses alone to try her luck on the sand.

Michelle Alexander

Michelle gets up close and personal with her latest mount

As you can no doubt tell from our featured competitors, banned substances are a big problem amongst the bogots. However, efforts are in hand to eliminate dopes in sport.

Now to wrap up

Dope Testing at the Limpdicks

And sports medicine expert Anne not only is conscious of the epidemiological implications of having a bunch of ripe, diseased and sweaty bogots in one place, she is also mindful of the prohibitive costs facing bogot teams.

A shame she has it all completely wrong, but that’s bogots for you…

Would you house an asylum seeker in your home for $300 a week?

Asylum seeker 1

Along come the Pathetics to add their two cents’ worth

APP asylum

And even the Tanty Bogans are prepared to put aside their malign hatred of asylum seekers if there’s a dollar to be extracted from taxpayers and charitable organisations – not to mention some cheap labour to exploit.

Asylum seeker 2

And not only are the Tanties in full bellow, the Burqapede has also managed to grind out some piss-poor poetry – no doubt hoping for a financial literary spinoff.

Centipedia

We won’t bore you with the whole turgid rant. However the dirty bedsheet set were fulsome in their praise along with much exchange of e-fluids followed by the usual bogot chow-down. Riveting stuff.

Burqapedia

Never get between a bogot and a fistful of dollars

Six Bogans Wear Burqas to, um… Prove A Point

Some pockets of bogot lowlife trash are celebrating tonight after firmly believing that their burqa stunt in Sydney has proved a point – that people just don’t know who is under a burqa.

Well no shit.

We’ve been through this burqa conversation a million times, but here goes again – this time we’ll keep it brief:

* If balaclavas have been banned in banks, how come bank robbers still choose to wear them while robbing banks?

* If burqas can hide bombs, how come there have been no burqa related suicide bomb attempts or successes in Australia, ever?

* If cargo pants can hide deadly weapons, how come these aren’t banned?

* If burqas oppress women, how does limiting their freedom to dress liberate them?

* If a woman is forced to wear a burqa by her oppressive husband, how is it liberating for them to ban burqas in public? Wouldn’t that then confine those women to stay inside their homes?

* If the statistical majority of sexual assaults are committed by those known to the victim, what’s the point of wearing a burqa to sexually assault someone?

* If the main factor in physical abuse and domestic violence is alcohol, how come we are blaming Muslims who don’t drink alcohol, and women who wear burqas, who generally don’t go into pubs or liquor stores?

* If wearing the burqa supposedly hides one away from society, how come they stand out in a crowd? Surely if a person wanted to blend into a crowd or secretly hide their identity they’d wear some dark glasses, a hat, and maybe some form of cosmetic hindrance.

* If terrorism is such a massive threat in our country that we need to be scared about women wearing burqas, how come we aren’t scared of dying of heart failure, drink driving, road accidents, lung cancer or any of the other major killers?

* If terrorism performed by women wearing burqas is such a threat, how come I have more chance of being killed by being struck by lightning (odds: 40,000 : 1)?

* If we are concerned about women wearing burqas hiding out in female changerooms, how come we never see them in female changerooms? Surely we’d notice them sitting there, doing nothing.

* If we are so concerned about women wearing burqas and watching women at the beach, how come we haven’t paid homage to the trillions of gigabytes worth of porn freely accessible on the Internet?

Anyways, back to the dropkicks that took the day off ‘work’ to wear burqas around the city of Sydney. Let’s see what else they proved today!

1. When walking through the city wearing clothes meant to conceal – partying and forming a conga line won’t convince many people to accept your claims that you could be hiding a nuclear weapon.

2. When you’re allowed to buy a drink at the pub, it’s not your attire that’s being judged, but your behaviour. By proving that service will still continue in a true blue Aussie pub, these burqa clad clowns proved that most Australians don’t really care about the burqa issue. What we didn’t see here was how pub staff would have reacted if the burqa wearers were intoxicated. They probably would have reacted in the same way as if any other member of the general public was intoxicated, and asked them to leave.

3. When six idiots ponce into a public bar wearing burqas asking for alcohol, it is proven that the person behind the bar safely assumes that it’s merely a dress-up piss-take camera-stunt, as devout Muslims don’t generally drink alcohol.

4. When you try to suppress a freedom in order to promote freedom, you prove yourself to be as impotent as the man who started a war against an ideology (War on Terror?). By wearing a mask while following regular laws, you’ve proven that your identity doesn’t matter until such time as you disobey the law.

5. When six dopes wander the streets in dress up with a cameraman right next to them the whole time, it is now proven that anyone who witnesses this spectacle will assume that it’s merely an offensive joke.

Enter burqa fuck-up no.1, Nicholas Folkes + offended Arabic men:

Nicholas Hunter Folkes is the son of a Russian refugee, and the brother of fellow minion Vera Kolesnikoff, and he is a racist. He represents a ‘political party’ that over 98% of Australians either haven’t heard of, or don’t like. He’s a racist, but he thinks his actions and words are an integral part of what will get this country out of ‘trouble’.

(Folkes discussing his love for the White Australia policy.)

(Folkes choking on his own shit.)

(Folkes being smirked and stared at by an audience of people with IQs higher than his miserable 20.)

Here’s Folkes at one of his previous miserable fail-rallies:

And here are some of the things he’s publicly said over the past few years:

Enter burqa-bozo no.2, Sergio Redegalli.

This is Sergio’s second appearance in the burqa. His first appearance was when he donned the burqa to enter a ladies toilet, once again trying to ‘prove a point’. Was he noticed? Probably. Did he get a look at women urinating? As much as he desperately wanted to, it’s pretty clear that unless he managed to burqa-stealth his way into an actual cubicle, all he saw were closed doors and ‘engaged’ signs.

Enter niqab-nobody no.3, ‘Betty’ – Diane Leigh Renard.

Just like her Facebook profiles, Betty chooses anonymity for this 7 News interview. Oh well, she’ll be dead soon anyway – she looks like she’s about 90. Here’s some of Betty’s wonderful design work:

And here’s her hideous face: (Note the wart next to the left eye)… One has to wonder – does she have a poison apple in her basket?

The other three failed to get any airtime, so have remained as completely irrelevant as they were when they first headed out the door this morning.

So there you have it. Three over-the-hill nobodies, completely phobic about the less than 0.2% of our population that actually cover their faces. Not one of them will come to our blog, so here are the questions none of them can answer, one last time:

* If balaclavas have been banned in banks, how come bank robbers still choose to wear them while robbing banks?

* If burqas can hide bombs, how come there have been no burqa related suicide bomb attempts or successes in Australia, ever?

* If cargo pants can hide deadly weapons, how come these aren’t banned?

* If burqas oppress women, how does limiting their freedom to dress liberate them?

* If a woman is forced to wear a burqa by her oppressive husband, how is it liberating for them to ban burqas in public? Wouldn’t that then confine those women to stay inside their homes?

* If the statistical majority of sexual assaults are committed by those known to the victim, what’s the point of wearing a burqa to sexually assault someone?

* If the main factor in physical abuse and domestic violence is alcohol, how come we are blaming Muslims who don’t drink alcohol, and women who wear burqas, who generally don’t go into pubs or liquor stores?

* If wearing the burqa supposedly hides one away from society, how come they stand out in a crowd? Surely if a person wanted to blend into a crowd or secretly hide their identity they’d wear some dark glasses, a hat, and maybe some form of cosmetic hindrance.

* If terrorism is such a massive threat in our country that we need to be scared about women wearing burqas, how come we aren’t scared of dying of heart failure, drink driving, road accidents, lung cancer or any of the other major killers?

* If terrorism performed by women wearing burqas is such a threat, how come I have more chance of being killed by being struck by lightning (odds: 40,000 : 1)?

* If we are concerned about women wearing burqas hiding out in female changerooms, how come we never see them in female changerooms? Surely we’d notice them sitting there, doing nothing.

* If we are so concerned about women wearing burqas and watching women at the beach, how come we haven’t paid homage to the trillions of gigabytes worth of porn freely accessible on the Internet?