A Modern Major Xenophobe

By Mike Carlton and Ben Pobje

 I am the very model of an immigration minister

In charge of refugees and matters maritime and sinister.

At school I studied hard at maths and lessons alphabetical,

I learnt the scriptures backwards and the canon evangelical.

I made my rise to greatness from political obscurity

Conflating xenophobia with national security.

Endlessly I preached the word to ordinary Australians

Arousing fears their homes were being overrun by aliens.

I blamed the Labor gang for this invasion of Muhammadans

Who wear the burqa, pray to Mecca, starve themselves at Ramadan.

Fanatics who would have us all obeying their sharia laws

They’d ban the Easter Bunny and abolish dear old Santa Claus.

But! Now that I’m the minister I’ve vowed to turn the boats


I’ve got a three-star general to keep our borders safe and sound.

The bleeding hearts and Greenies call me cruel and confrontational

But I riposte: “My lips are sealed on matters operational.”

When Jakarta once accused me of egregious hypocrisy

I shrugged my shoulders lightly and replied: “Well, that’s


And though it’s not much help in dealing with the Indonesians,

I quote the Bible’s letters of St Paul to the Ephesians.

With humanity and decency my only motivation

I am standing resolutely at the frontiers of the nation.

And armoured in self-righteousness I spurn each rude inquisitor

For I’m the very model of an immigration minister.


Bernard Gaynor – handling the truth?

No doubt about it, Bernard Gaynor, former Katter’s Australia Party Senate candidate and Army Reserve Intelligence officer has a lot of hates.

They include homosexuals, left-wingers, women in the military, women in general, abortion, Muslims and Islam… tell us if we have left anything out.

Former Katter Australian Party senate candidate Bernard Gaynor claims he has been charged by the Australian Defence Force over comments he made about Muslim immigration and terrorism.

Mr Gaynor, an Army Reserve Intelligence Officer, has posted a series of blogs arguing Islam immigration should be limited and in the wake of the Boston bombings re-aired his views.

He said he was charged on Monday by the ADF for bringing the organisation into disrepute and responded by saying it was proof political correctness was hampering the ADF’s ability to fight against Islamic violence.


Anyway it looks like Bob Katter has a bit more military intelligence than does his erstwhile candidate because he has decided to drop the smoking grenade.

We went through Bernard’s blogs and decided not to link any of them here, but readers are free to do their own Google search.

We must say we find the delusional rants strongly held ultra-conservative views unusual for someone in such a close-mouthed sector as military intelligence. Even a 10 year old knows from watching James Bond movies that a good spy never gives himself/herself away.

Nancy Wake, probably Australia’s greatest wartime agent, no doubt is turning in her grave.

And one wonders how Bernard would cope with his fervently overwhelming desire to reveal all on Twitter and in the blogosphere if we were actually at war.


Here’s a selection of tweets





And look who are two of his Twitter besties – the repugnant slug and fake “GregJessop1” and whoever is now heading the Pathetic Party now that Niqi Folkes has launched his very own leaky vessel.

Such low quality  bosom buddies are to be expected when you bathe in the stagnant pools of the worst of Twitter.


Oh dear…

In other theatres of war

Generalissimo Ben Pobjie takes Bernard to task.

As does Field Marshal Sal Piracha who writes

Far far worse than Alan Jones is former Katter’s Australia Party serial pest Bernard Gaynor. He seems to believe that his righteous Catholicism gives him some kind of permission to belittle people who offend his beliefs. On April 30, after a string of anti-gay tweets, he offered this gem:

“The prancing pansy parade processing down Oxford Street for gay marriage can thank Henry VIII for starting their cause.”

His colleague in the KAP is Steve Smith, who tweeted his agreement:

“Yep. His liberal church was founded on divorce. Now they have gay bishops. Next they’ll be baptizing animals”

Disregarding the complete lack of both facts and sanity in these tweets, the tone is similar. They could have made their point without resorting to scorn, yet Mr Gaynor and Mr Smith chose the option most likely to cause offence. The conversation also caused a fair amount of laughing on Twitter, so it got what it deserved.

“Steve Smith” (fake name) is also an intimate friend of the GregJessop1/SergeiSaratov hydra.

Carry on chaps…

A Letter To The Aboriginese People

A Letter To The Aboriginese People

Dear Aboriginals,

We need to talk. We have a problem. I know, I know – I thought everything was cool between us. I thought we’d reached an understanding: you would provide us with entertaining dance routines and skilled footballers, and we would provide you with military incursions into your communities and helpful suggestions on how to spend your money, like the suggestion “You can only spend your money how we tell you to”. There was a healthy give and take between you Aboriginals and we “normals”, and you’d been nice and quiet for a while, which frankly I found extremely commendable. I really thought we were making progress.

But then.

Then came Australia Day, and the most shameful episode in our country’s history since Manning Clark ate Weary Dunlop live on the Graham Kennedy Show. Now look, Aboriginals, I have nothing against peaceful protests, as long as they don’t actually happen, but no matter what your political proclivities, it is absolutely disgraceful that the prime minister, our sort-of-elected leader, should be subjected to the indignity of having angry people stand near her. Why can’t Aboriginals have some respect for the office of prime minister? Is it because there were no prime ministers 40,000 years ago? You have to stop living in the past, Aboriginals. Today we have prime ministers, and they deserve respect. They don’t deserve to be tucked under the arm of a bodyguard like a Steeden under the arm of Sam Backo (he was a famous Aboriginal footballer, you see – don’t tell me I don’t know how to speak to you on your own terms, Aboriginals).

What’s more, to do this on Australia Day is just bad taste, Aboriginals. It is disgusting that you saw fit to sully this great day which commemorates the liberation of Aborigine Australians. Now I know what you will say – you will say “liberation from what?” Which is understandable – I know you people sometimes have trouble with English. It’s easy for you, in your simple native way, to not recognise what a great day for your race the first Australia Day was. But consider this: if the British had not landed that day and claimed Australia for the King, it might have been the French! Or the Spanish! Or, I don’t know, Filipinos or something weird like that. Would you prefer that? Do you know how hard Filipino is to learn? Especially for people like you who never get into the good schools. I think we can safely say that Arthur Phillip in 1788 saved you from many generations of Eurasian tyranny and difficult verb forms. And it’s not that we expect thanks for it – we just expect a bit of peace and quiet while we are busy celebrating that glorious day. We don’t even mention the fact that a couple of years later you people STABBED Arthur Phillip. With a SPEAR, no less, which frankly is a bit on the nose. And yet we overlook that. We don’t demand a Sorry For Stabbing That Guy Day. We’ve got CLASS, Aboriginals. Maybe you could learn a bit from that.

The thing is, Aboriginals, there is only so long you can go on ignoring our generosity before we start to kick back a little bit. The white man is a proud and noble fellow, who can be pushed only so far. Don’t let the history of the European race fool you: we’re not all sweetness and light. And we’re pretty sick of giving and giving and not getting anything in return.

We came to this country in a spirit of cooperation and friendliness, wanting only to build a great new nation and hopefully escape from prison and live in the bush as cannibals. We built cities, and we let you live in them, even though they did in fact belong to us and building materials are not cheap. We gave you civilisation, and clothes, and an array of interesting new germs to learn about, expanding your experience and making you more cosmopolitan. We even gave you more downtime by providing free babysitting services, often permanently. It is difficult to think of a way in which we white dudes did not improve the Aboriginal lot, and I’ve gotta say, we were pretty shocked when you responded with nothing but whining and carping and dying of the flu. It made us wonder why we bothered.

Really, the whole history of the relationship between Indigenouses and real people has been one long tale of distrust and petty quibbling and ingratitude on an epic scale. And look, we can sit around playing the blame game all day long, but it would achieve nothing. Because we already know it’s your fault. Aboriginals, if you put half as much effort into buying fast food franchises and starting massive multinational mining corporations as you did into protesting and living in squalid conditions, you would all be extremely wealthy like us. But I guess that’s too much to ask, eh? Even after all we’ve done for you.

And it’s like you’re never pleased. We didn’t give you the vote, because we thought it’d be too much pressure for you, given ballot papers often have more than six candidates on them and ancient Aboriginal culture was pretty skimpy on maths. But you didn’t like that, so we let you vote, and then you go find something else to complain and/or die prematurely about. We give you alcohol, and you complain about alcoholism. We take away your alcohol, and you complain about not having any alcohol. We give you the gift of law and order, and then you complain that we keep arresting you without “reasons”. Seriously, when are you going to be satisfied? We even agreed to stop calling you “Abos”, even though that was a real timesaver and everything takes twice as long now.

I mean, look at Cathy Freeman. We didn’t have to let her on that Olympic team. There’s a little white girl somewhere who cried her eyes out because her place got taken by Cathy. We gave her that place out of the goodness of our hearts. And then, even more generously, we gave her a gold medal – we didn’t even ask her to give it to us when she got back or anything. Didn’t that prove that we were perfectly willing to let Aboriginals do stuff and be on TV and everything? But still you don’t seem happy, whining about land rights and infant mortality rates and basic human living standards and frankly, it’s starting to get us down. It makes us wonder if you were really ready to participate in society after all. We let you, because you’d been fairly well-behaved and we thought it’d be a nice treat for you, but if you’re going to repay us by protesting and stealing shoes, maybe we should reconsider. Maybe it was all too much, too soon. You’ve got to walk before you can run, even when you’re black, I suppose.

The point is, Aboriginals, if you want to keep getting favours from us Australians, you’re going to have to stop acting like such dicks about it. A little grace wouldn’t go astray, you know? A little decency. A little team spirit. I mean, we’re all in this together, aren’t we? Some of us more than others, obviously, but that’s only to be expected because we’re a bit more presentable. You can’t blame us for that – God just made us this way. And he made you that way, and I don’t think we can ignore the implications, right?

You need to chill out, Aboriginals. We’re not asking you to like us – although if you don’t it just shows how mean you are. All we’re asking is that you go about your business quietly and peacefully, and let us go about our business quietly and peacefully, and stop yelling at our prime minister, and maybe, you know, go out to the desert and talk to the birds or something. That’s the sort of thing you guys like, isn’t it?

We just want a little bit of respect and to not have to be reminded of your existence very often. Then I’m sure we can all get along, Aboriginals and civilised humans alike.

Yours tolerantly,

Ben Pobjie (White)