How To Be Australian: by (name removed)

Attention non-whites and new arrivals! Acclaimed academic and sociologist (name removed) has defined just how to fit into Australian society for you! No more wasting your time on holding on to any of your inferior cultures, no. Buy (name removed)’s book today and find out just how to act in order to be a real Australian, short of having white skin of course.

Note: This list was created in response to the Cronulla riots apparently. Somehow. No, we’re not really sure what the relevance is either… But read on:

  • ‘u (sic) can speak english (sic)’: As long as it’s poorly spelled, and omits basic grammar functions and punctuation, you’ll be accepted. Don’t dare use capital letters or words longer than two syllables though – that’s highly unAustralian;
  • ‘you don’t walk around in mobs’: Only white Anglo Aussies are allowed to walk around with their male friends wolf whistling females and shouting abuse at non-whites;
  • ‘your race aren’t all generally bad at the same thing… e.g. drivin (sic).. everyone knows who that is’: Yeah… Stupid poor driving Swedes. Jeez they’re so unAustralian. They don’t know how to drive at all. Good drivers will buy bogan V8 utes, drop them on cheap rims, amplify their exhausts and sit a few small metres from the tail of your car in both high and low speed zones, swerving maniacally in and out of lanes in order to save a few minutes off their trip;
  • ‘don’t smell like arse’: If you want to be considered Australian, you can’t smell like arse, but it’s perfectly acceptable to fucking reek of sweat and B.O after a long day working as any number of things – plumbers, carpenters, painters, bus drivers, shelve packers, brickies etc. These proud Australians don’t bother showering, nor do they bother with deodorant. Deodorant is for sheilas;
  • ‘use normal toilets’: Such as taking a dump in a hotel corridor or pissing up against anything public and sturdy, such as pub walls or trees in children’s playgrounds;
  • ‘don’t partake in honour killings’: Unless you are a member of the Bra Boys, or the Williams/Moran family, or a bikie. Then it is completely acceptable;
  • ‘don’t sniff petrol’: Well this is just obvious. As if anyone with a job and self respect would do something like this. As if anyone who had lived a life where their parents or grandparents hadn’t been killed or forcibly removed from the families or been the victims of extreme independent and institutionalised racism would ever act in such a way..;
  • ‘you eat food from your country other than your own’: Sure this doesn’t make grammatical sense, but it’s obvious what point is trying to be portrayed here – eat a strict diet of lamingtons, pavlova and ANZAC biscuits or get the fuck out of the country. They are the only foods to have been developed in Australia, and it’s completely unAustralian to eat anything other than these staples;
  • ‘you can wear a bluey and not look like a faggot’: Because when you try and go for that mining/construction look by donning a wool/felt jacket, you’re not being pretentious at all. And as a rule of thumb – never be gay. It’s completely unAustralian.
  • ‘you drink a bloody beer’: But remember – it’s completely unAustralian not to have at least fifteen and then go home and beat your wife and piss on the lounge.

83 thoughts on “How To Be Australian: by (name removed)

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention How To Be Australian: by Simon Mangs « Fuck Off We're Full Of Racists -- Topsy.com

    • so ?

      Do you feel gratified now ? Done your self indulgent speech ??
      Thise is such a hackneyed verse now…”anyone who says they arent racist but” IS”…..so so so ?

        • Would you care to advise me of your correct name please antibogan so it can inform your future employers how perfect you ate and have never made a mistake by not portraying a hint of sarcasm in a joke that his friends have ribbed him for for years over I wish you so called do gooders would stop hiding behind a screen without realizing simon s best friend is a papau new Guinean native ie do the marks I doubt a racist would have a coloured person as a best friend

        • I do agree as there are different races but personally knowing simon I know that it’s not correct to distinguish him as a racist

        • I didn’t mention his full name as it would pan out. I just ask you to put your name forth. I have no threat for you just wish for you to take ownership Of your words as simon has had no choice in his through your decision

        • And considering you have forcibly made sure simon takes ownership of his words I thought it only fair you take ownership of yours mr ??????

        • I’m a Mrs thanks Heinrich. I’ve the presence of mind to keep my personal details private when expressing my freedom of opinion on the Internet.

          P.S – nothing done or said on this website has breached any laws or statutes in this country.

        • And this is a post from someone calling itself “Rocket”. Hahaha.

          As far as I know members of the TAB collective have jobs. Do you?

          I don’t think we’d care if Simon’s best friend was JC himself. Simon chose to write rubbish in a public forum. End of story.

        • Rocket is a nickname passed on from y grandfather thanks Josh I my self am 22 happily married with a job as a qualified plumber and own my own house I have no special uni degree but work very hard for my money. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want the stress of an office job I admire the people in there but I’m just an average working class man. I do agree Simons words weren’t of great choice but i also know the remorse that simon shows I only came on here to put a positive light to Simons name and have no negative comments about any of you I just know simon is a good man who volunteers a lot of time to the community

        • “…but i also know the remorse that simon shows…”

          Indicating that he did the wrong thing and that we weren’t incorrect in our assumptions of him. We obliged as soon as we heard he was apologetic and removed his name and details.

        • But it still comes up as first google search of his name. I’m not sure why but you can visually see his name in parts of it. I just ask is there anyway incoyld get you to try just once more to remove his name fully. I understand your cause and disagree with what the people you target have to say. And I have read a few of your other blogs. to me simon isn’t like those guys. He’s a good bloke and if you could clear hia name completely off the site it would be great. I’ve said all I have. Thanks

      • So it won’t work when you try to justify your racism with it. One wonders why a person would religiously visit an anti-racist website to denigrate the comments of every Australian who dares to condemn racism, yet is deafeningly silent when it comes to the vile bigotry and Nazi mentalities displayed by racists uncovered by the website.

      • Oh and the only reason you’re upset at Michele’s statement is that you have probably used those very five words. It doesn’t work and only makes you look even more racist and stupid. Sorry.

    • *Yawn*

      Asian-bashing now? And a link from the Hun no less. A newspaper not even fit for arsewipes in an outback dunny.

  2. no, the Asians are bashing each other, did’nt you read ?
    This has been an issue for years, ehtnic gang fighting and the reason it is’nt resolved is because muppets like you have a fit.Bravo, it even cost a life in Balga the other day,…..well done.

  3. I’ll form a one man gang to bash big_baggies. Then herald sun will write an article about it, making it even.
    S’all good

  4. I’m struggling very hard to find the “ironic” addition to the list, I asume it is supposed to stand out as especially stupid which probably explains my predicament.

  5. http://www.heraldsun.com.au/opinion/cops-hid-the-gang-reality/story-e6frfhqf-1225869351726

    “Time to cut to the chase. It’s Nixon in particular who foolishly got police to play dumb about precisely the kind of thing this report discusses.

    Never mind that certain ethnic groups – Aborigines, Pacific Islanders, Sudanese, Lebanese and Vietnamese in particular – have imprisonment rates much higher than the average.

    Under Nixon, ethnic crime became a topic the police did not discuss – and at times deceitfully denied. In my opinion, disbanding the Asian crime squad was in part a sign of that denial

    So why do ethnic minorities have “exceedingly high” rates of imprisonment.No is imprisoned because “you’re all razzists” which Im sure is the depth of your conclusions . This is also the same in their HOME countries and any other country they reside.Spend some time in Sudan if in any doubt or spend the night on the slops with some islanders & Aboriginies and see who is still intact at sunrise.

    • “Never mind that certain ethnic groups – Aborigines, Pacific Islanders, Sudanese, Lebanese and Vietnamese in particular – have imprisonment rates much higher than the average.”

      In comparison to what? Average what? Prison inmates are mostly male, do you wish to mention that? Or don’t you consider that important?

      And data from the US and Australia bears out the fact that racism and criminality are closely related.

  6. White gang problem? hell yes we do.

    How about all the bikie gangs we have? they are mostly white, and like it/admit it or not they ARE crime gangs.

  7. Yet her police got the message. Take this Herald Sun report on attacks on Indian cabbies around Flemington: “Police will not officially acknowledge any particular ethnic group is a target, or that any other group is carrying out the crimes. But in every case the victims told police their attackers were African.”

    Then there was the police “multicultural liaison officer” in Dandenong who in 2007 tried the Nixon method in waving away a spate of bashings by African gangs

    funny how many people think it is whites when police say it is Aboriginals and Africans assaulting Indians.This is because of muppets like you people who always blame whitey razzists.

    • Blah blah random news story about a non white comiting a crime, blah blah random reference to a police officer not being allow to say “police are looking for a filthy black kunt” on the news, blah blah utterly insane conclusion relating to whites being inherently better than other races.

      Just thought i would translate that for everyone.

    • To adequately rebut your random links to stories of ethnic crime, we would need to present you with a person (or equal number of people) of that ethnicity who weren’t in trouble with the law. Either that, or we’d have to provide you with a person (or equal number of people) of white Anglo ethnicity that have been in trouble with the law.

      Because that’s what racism is. You present us with a link to some Asians in fights in some kind of attempt at saying that Asians are problematic in society, when they aren’t. The problem is nearly always males between 15 – 35. There is strong evidence to suggest that the reason behind anti-social/violent behaviour is testosterone and youth.

  8. The KKK, the knights of the Southern Cross, bikie gangs, the Morans, the Williams. Sorry Baggies, you were trying to make a point. What was it?

    • What do the Knights of the Southern Cross (a religous social network group) have to do with any of the others listed?

      What point are you trying to make?

  9. The reason the incareration rates are higher umongst non-white people (respectively speaking, the percentage of particular groups is much higher than white) is that because of dominant culture in Australia being based around prejudiced beliefs and laws. we inherited all the mis-knowledge of people who lived before. It leads to certain ways of perceiving the world around you and as, for example, a Police officer you would be more aware of people unlike themselves in terms of seeming danger. Less ‘white’ authority or more understanding would address this problem. Oh, and when people don’t have any other options because of a lack of appropriate economic support (not meaning dole but actual support for them to develop their own enterprises) they will become angry at people who take what they have for granted. ie you big baggies.

    • What a load of absolute shit!
      Have you lived amongst Aboriginals ? Are you saying getting driunk and smashing your home & terrorising your family is acceptable and we simply need to “understand” ?
      You are being very naive and ignorant to think that incarceration rates are high due to lack of whities understanding.Aboriginals are actually more likely to get chances and help than any other group dealing with the law.Im sorry but I cannot “understand” my way into accepting the screaming, foul mouthed abuse & violence that the Aboriginals dish out to each other every single night.

    • btw you talk about “understanding their ways” did it ever occur to you that part of that is not being interested in running an enterprise? I have seen first hand many get support in starting a business and they go broke or walk away but they seem to always managae to stuffit despite heavy intervention and support.

  10. Lets not forget that people of lower SES tend to end up in gaol more than others. Race is frequently a determiner of class.

  11. Well done. I love how you cut down everything they said. I’m definately sending this to my ‘proud aussie’ brother. Almost 100% sure he’s got a “fuck off we’re full t-shit’ too. Might have to do some casual trespass to chattels and add a ‘racists’ afterwards hmm.

  12. in regards to criminals, and race, i think it to be racist to even include the person’s (almost wrote man’s) when reporting on crimes commited. It further ingrains division, fear and anger towards certain races, when it’s irrelevant. Unless it is a description and the person is on the run, i hate hearing ” a palestinean man today snatched a bag off an old women”(eg.) or a group of thugs of middle eastern appearance bashed a guy in a wheelchair”. (eg) Some men are going to rape women, regardless of their race, regardless of what the woman is wearing. It’s often about chemical balances in the brain and nothing to do with skin colour, or religion. It can be said that people of low s.e.s are more likely to commit crimes, to simply get by, making it a class thing, and unfortunately, we oppress certain races, keeping them in the lower classes, so if the stats look that way, that is probably why. Also, if a very rich, powerful (probably white) person gets busted for drugs, he uses bribes to escape conviction, lower class people don’t have that option.

    • Problem with leaving it out is everyone automatically presumes it is a racist or white crime.When that Asian girl was violently raped by two men in her home everyone jumped the gun and blamed it on white men, possibly racists, noone hardly knew they were in fact aboriginals.Then there is the HYSTERIA over attacks on Indians and everyone presumes it is “racist white Aussies” because the fact it is often Africans or Aboriginals committing these attacks is not given coverage despite police stating this, more than once.

  13. I think you’ll find that crimes committed by Aboriginals and Africans and people of other ethnicities are overemphasised in media reportage.

    And by the way, just because a crime was perpetrated by Aboriginals does not automatically mean it wasn’t racially motivated. You don’t have to be white to be racist.

  14. This should be called ‘How to be a Bogan.’ Damn idiot. He could have at least spelt his ‘ideas’ right. Jesus. This kid probably dropped out in year 7… or SHOULD have dropped out in year 7. Idiot!

  15. Er I know this guy. I used to live with him and need to thank you all for giving him what he wants. He is a troll and posts this kind of thing to get responses like this. Also I think you need to learn to read. Nowhere does he say that the list is a response to the riots. He states that the group it was posted in was a response to the riots.

    • He’s an idiot then. Who does he want ‘responses’ from? Ask him if it’s okay if we put pics of his mother up and call her a slut to get some ‘responses’. Even though we really don’t dislike her or think that she’s a slut…

  16. He wants responses from people like you who anonymously post thins like this because you are to afraid to properly confront them about things. Dd you notice how he doesn’t explicitly mention any ethnic group and relies on your own prejudices to make these assumptions. It was written to highlight the fact that people like you are as bad as rackets because you launch our prejudice on people with different opinions.

    And just quietly, this whole article was written o get responses and that is just what happened. For you to question that logic is fucking dumb

      • 😐 that is still a prejudice, keyboard warrior. What was initially written made no reference to any race. In order to write your article you had to access your prior knowledge about what it might have been. The term principle sets out the tone for everything he wrote, you stain. It’s not about certain races. It’s about things that make this country like a sense of community.
        You imply that the ends justify means through your whole post of doggerel. Prejudice is prejudice, no matter where it is directed.

        • “:| that is still a prejudice, keyboard warrior.”

          Yes, we have agreed that we are prejudiced against racist people.

          “What was initially written made no reference to any race.”

          You’re right. However, it made obvious reference to existing negative racial stereotypes. Which people have been negatively stereotyped as being unable to drive well? Which people have been negatively stereotyped to smell like arse and rarely use normal toilets? Which people have been negatively stereotyped to partake in honour killings? Which people have been negatively stereotyped to be petrol sniffers. So while this dickhead’s comments didn’t refer to a specific race, he did refer to several groups of people who he feels are unable to fit into Australian society due mostly to issues identified in his list.

          The other thing he said was that the group he was commenting on was started in response to the Cronulla Riots. The Cronulla Riots supposedly started because some Aussies were sick of Lebanese peoples’ apparent inability to integrate into society. So far he has referred to Lebanese, Asian, Indian, Muslim and Aboriginal people as being unAustralians who do not fit into society.

          “In order to write your article you had to access your prior knowledge about what it might have been.”

          A stereotype is a widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing. It’s a paradigm. Because the author of this post has knowledge of existing negative stereotypes and which people are associated with them does not make him a racist, nor does it make him as bad as a racist for being aware.

          “The term principle sets out the tone for everything he wrote, you stain.”

          The reason he uses the words ‘…it’s the bloody principle…’ suggests that certain people don’t fit into our society because (of the list of reasons he provides). This concretes the idea that such negative stereotypes are in fact accurate and are hindering certain peoples’ ability to integrate into our society.

          “It’s not about certain races. It’s about things that make this country like a sense of community.”

          Drawing attention to negative stereotypes identifies causal links to why certain cultural groups are sometimes not accepted in society. In his list, this fuckwit fails to identify racism, homophobia and sexism as issues that prove incompatible with our way of life and community values. These are things that are found in society on a much larger scale than honour killings and petrol sniffing.

          “You imply that the ends justify means through your whole post of doggerel.”

          Perpetuating negative stereotypes in some failed attempt at irony is ignorance and fire fanning.

          “Prejudice is prejudice, no matter where it is directed.”

          Yes, once again, we are prejudiced against racists, homophobes and sexists. No apologies.

  17. Well JC you said

    “He wants responses from people like you who anonymously post thins like this because you are to afraid to properly confront them about things.”

    Read the intro. TAB is three people. Any one of those people may have posted that spew from Simon (yep I grabbed his name thanks to RSS) They have a collective pseudonym because racists are thugs with limited intelligence and a propensity for alcohol and drug-fuelled violence who have been known to attack people and their families, damage property and even commit murder.

    Capiche?

  18. Wow. I am a changed man. Your post has made me realize that racists are the only people who are predisposed to alcoholism, violence and a capability for murder.
    Saying that racists have a limited intelligence is stupid. You are defining a collective of people based on stereotypes and a limited exposure to them. Doesn’t sound like what racists do at all. You are just as bad as racists but your ignorance and complete arrogance won’t let you see it

    • Alcoholics, drug addicts and violent people if they are fortunate realise that their problems lie within themselves and seek help.

      Difference is that racists pretend they know and have answers which they want to impose on others. Their “answers” consist of hate literature and the incoherent rants of their “leadership”.

      They are oblivious to the fact that racism is illegal, that the law is increasingly responsive to hate crimes, that the Bench has been particularly pro-active in defining the nature of hate crimes. Racists like to pretend they defend “free speech” (as long as it’s only their speech). They intimidate and bully their targets, who often have no recourse to assistance. Racists delude themselves into thinking they have acceptable ideas which more discerning people should adopt, but in doing so make themselves figures of fun and open to ridicule.

      So for this reason racists always try and recruit the naive and the disaffected, whose own problems have nothing to do with immigrants or other minorities but more to do with economic and educational disadvantage.

      Racists and bigots do not restrict their hate to new arrivals and/or Muslims. Indigenous people, gays, lesbians, Jews, Roma and women also attract their ire. Members of long-standing immigrant communities such as the Chinese can testify to threats, intimidation and property damage.

      Don’t kid yourself, we have no illusions about your kind. None whatsoever.

      • Oh, well allow me to retort. Nowhere is any race mentioned. It is stated that the issue is the principle and that it quite clearly extends beyond other races. If you can’t see this then you are blind.
        You are comparing people who make snide comments to fundamentalists. Just because someone dislikes the action of one Jew doesn’t make them a Nazi.
        You people are so self indulgent. If an aboriginal male called a white person a ‘white cunt’ the reaction would be different to a white male calling an aboriginal a ‘boong.’
        Yet again your post proved my point. You think your ideas are more valid than those of others which is one of
        Your key arguments against racists.

  19. lol that sounds like me… a thug who drinks and does drugs… cos i am a runt who doesn’t drink or do drugs… the simpicity of the story is that one of the antibogans didn’t see into what i was saying but immediately assumed the worst… “RACIST!” quick lets make this guy look stupid and embarass him all over the internet, instead of actually reading then thinking about why it’s ironic… jesuswasjewish gets it.. yes it is poorly written and well thanks to the quality cyber bullying i have received (or feels like) i will not be posting comments designed to make ppl think – so ppl dont twist what i say and try to call me a racist… i would love to meet the antibogans and their superior way of thinking… why assume my points weren’t about white ppl?

    • Simon – yeah I know it’s you.

      A word of advice from someone a little bit older than you are.

      I don’t think you’ve gone irretrievably down the path of being a neo-Nazi loser as yet but you’re perilously close. The minute you post stuff like you have on the Interwebs you come to the notice of two different groups. One is us. The other is the hard-core bonehead crews – the losers with the tatts and usually a police record. The ones who like to bash Indians and scare Muslim women and kids and trash mosques and synagogues. They eat little boys like you.

      My suggestion – go away, grow up, get on with uni and chasing women (or guys if that’s your thing). You have a conservative political bent? Join the Liberal Party.

      But do yourself a favour, don’t post rot on Facebook and then protest it’s irony when challenged. I know the difference, so does TAB.

  20. “Your post has made me realize that racists are the only people who are predisposed to alcoholism, violence and a capability for murder.”

    From my reading of Josh’s post he never said that racists were the only people with such dispostions. He merely stated that they had such tendencies. Besides, disapproval of racists is not analogous to racism itself because racists make an autonomous choice to be racist. It is a behavior that they have control over. People can’t make autonomous choices about their ethnic origin.

    • And what I am saying is that this whole article is based on the misunderstanding of several ignorant authors. I don’t know how Many times I have to point out that the original piece does not mention one or many groups. I acknowledge that there is no way to decide origins and that one can decide upon actions. However, actions are the decision of the individual. Slandering somebodies decision to be racist is the same as slandering someone’s decision to come out gay or their decision to have an abortion. An individual decision is just that and the slander on this page is cyber bullying. Something that is just as illegal as racism.

      • “Slandering somebodies decision to be racist is the same as slandering someone’s decision to come out gay or their decision to have an abortion.”

        Bullshit. You’re a fucking moron. How many people are hurt when Bruce announces that he’s gay? How many people are hurt when a woman makes a choice about her body? How many people are hurt when a negative stereotype is publicly perpetuated?

        “An individual decision is just that and the slander on this page is cyber bullying. Something that is just as illegal as racism.”

        It is unlawful to publicly spout racism. Fuck you.

      • WTF!!

        So a racist troll takes exception to people objecting to a racist post then curls up in a hurt little ball of offended jelly and accuses us of cyber-bullying.

        Priceless 😀

        Racism has nothing to do with being gay (gays are born with a same-sex orientation) and abortion is a private decision to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.

        Racism is a public decision to engage in illicit acts against minorities. Just like bank robbery is a public decision to raid a bank and steal money.

        Both are crimes.

  21. Just another member of the lowlife drittseker, or as in the way you Australians say it, just another of the bogans.

    It is simply beyond me as to why this citizen would be eagerly promoting some of the worst traits in your society. Even if in a humorous vein, such nonsense is not to be accepted.

  22. Let’s take a step back and understand, it’s probably not Australia that’s caused these ethnic groups to have a higher crime rate, by this I mean Sudanese Lebanese etc. They come from war torn countries and have probably seen some disgraceful things done to people. I think people people portraying the racism should be made to walk just one year in their shoes and maybe then they will not be such forthcoming with their narrow opinions.

    That is all

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